


Twelve-Step Plan

by JaneTurenne



Category: Amelia Peabody - Elizabeth Peters, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-02
Updated: 2011-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-18 21:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/193428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneTurenne/pseuds/JaneTurenne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very specialized supervillain support group meets on Tuesday nights...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twelve-Step Plan

Contrary to popular belief among Heroes and other such ignorant persons, the Evil League of Evil has purposes apart from universal domination, involute scheming, and increasing the global annoyance factor. The League Charter clearly states (paragraph eight, sub-section three) that point-eight percent of all League plunder will be spent on "member services," a term that tends to change its meaning as seasons wax and wane. The "Evil Laughs and You: Chortles, Chuckles and Guffaws" class has, of course, been a perennial favorite, and the seminar on minion selection and training claims responsibility for a marked decrease in underling-related scheme failure among League members in the past decade. And then there are the functions known only to a few.

On Tuesday nights, in a quiet basement room of League Headquarters, a circle of folding chairs blossoms like a faerie ring, imitated in shape by the rows of donuts and hollow coffee smudges on the paper-clothed table by the door. The congregation is small, but dedicated; they have admitted their shared problem, and are united in seeking for a solution. There is never any sign on the door. "So, You Think You're In Love With Your Nemesis" is one of those statements best not written down.

"She's just so _violent_ , y'know?" sighs the peroxide blond, lighting a cigarette and leaning back in his chair. "She's beautiful when she's violent."

"Mine has tremendous potential that way." The man with the strange black velvet costume and the dark goatee plants his chin on his knuckles. "He makes such a lovely habit of overthrowing governments and leading rebellions. Why on Gallifrey shouldn't he take the next step and actually _rule_? He needn't even get his hands dirty. I build this _fabulous_ little kingdom just for two, and he repays me by tearing the place down around my ears."

"They're never grateful." The third man, who has never shown up in the same face twice (his companions, with their greater-than-human senses, recognize him by the scent of spirit gum), shakes his head sadly. "I arranged a perfectly thoughtful kidnapping, away from her obnoxious son and a life scrabbling in the dust, and all she could think of was escaping back to her _precious_ husband."

The other two make sympathetic noises. "That's rough, mate," Spike grants, proffering his cigarette in commiseration.

"It was mortifying," Sethos admits. "There _must_ be something to be done."

"There's only one solution," the Master volunteers.

"End the temptation," says Sethos.

"Kill 'em," Spike agrees.

They stare at each other. A moment passes, and another moment.

"On the other hand," Sethos ventures, "there's flowers."

"I've had rather good results with flowers myself," the Master agrees.

" _Bollocks_ ," Spike groans. "We're bloody _nowhere_."

"Completely nowhere."

"Absolutely nowhere."

They sit in silence for a moment. This conclusion is nothing new. It has been reached by them before, and will be reached again. No higher power can help them, no solution avail. There's only one thing for it.

"Well, gentlemen," says the Master. "Same time next week?"


End file.
